Preparing for Marital Success LONG Before I Walk Down the Aisle!

Last Thursday I went to a NYC Catholic Young Adults event at St. Patrick's Cathedral. The topic was "Catholic Dating, Marriage....and Divorce", apparently I wasn't the only one interested in this topic because the room was PACKED. I certainly do not plan on getting married any time soon, but I am always enthusiastic about attending lectures on marriage. Divorce is every where I look and I'm not going to waste any time setting myself up for success, despite the fact that I may have not even met "the one" yet!

The priest leading the discussion was hysterical and has been leading Marriage Encounter retreats for years. He was so funny and insightful that I could have listened to him all night. His points were very basic/common sense, but he explained them in unique ways that really resonated with me. Here are a few that stuck out (although I know I won't do him justice):

• Forget the idea of the "soul mate." So many of the struggling couples he meets with after 15 years decide, "I just don't think this person is my soul mate." This image we have in our heads of a perfect soul mate is constantly reinforced by dating sites and pop culture telling you there is one person just waiting for you out there that will make you complete. Fr. Richard said that is not the case because no one you meet will ever be perfect for you, everyone is flawed. Too many relationships fail because they imagine that perfect soul mate still out there waiting for them and that perfection is impossible to find.

I am extremely guilty of this stereotype. I have been in two amazing (long term) relationships and ended both because I didnt want to settle down at such a young age. However, there is also the counterpart of my head that says if I keep looking for perfection and "what else is out there," I am setting myself up for failure. What if he really was the "one" for me and I won't ever find it again because I was so busy looking for the perfection that "completes me." So I am going to listen to Fr. Richard and forget about the "soul mate" and focus on finding someone whose positive traits outweigh the imperfections every man has.

• A wedding isn't about two souls uniting as one. A wedding is God's blessing/approval of the commitment two people are making "'til death do us part."

Being the romantic that I am, it is so easy to get wrapped up in the "union of souls" (note: not soul MATE!) and fantasy wedding. But when you take away the dress, flowers, and fluff you see a wedding for what it is, a commitment before God with the support of your family and friends behind you. Again, it sounds very basic but Fr. Richard said it much better than I just did! :o) When I used to work for the Alabama Healthy Marriage Initiative one of our billboards said, "Prepare more for your marriage than you do your wedding day" and that phrase has stuck with me ever since. I hope that some day when I'm wrapped up in my wedding plans someone reminds me of that!!

• When dating, look for someone with common virtues, not just common hobbies.

I think this has happened to me several times now. I date the person who is fun, likes to do the same things, and makes me laugh. Then after the first few dates I start to realize the core virtues I want in a partner don't align with his, but I'm having a good time with him so I tell myself that can be pushed to the side for now because I'm having fun. Fr. Richard is extremely correct and I need to break this habit because I should be dating people with virtues that reinforce mine and make me a stronger Christian. However on the flip side, just because someone is a Christian and shares the same virtues doesn't necessarily make them a good match for you. You can find someone with both.

I'm truly glad I decided to go last week because it gave me a lot to think about. It did not take me long after leaving Auburn to learn that dating in the "real world" is a whole new ball game. While I am not in any way on a man hunt or searching for "the one", I think these are things I need to remember while maneuvering my way through this new dating world and these ridiculous dating games. I watch my friends get engaged/married all the time now, so despite the fact that I am not actively looking for "forever love", I know God has a plan that I am unaware of and it could happen to me at any time.

My First Manhattan Apartment

Last week I officially moved into my first apartment here in Manhattan. As you would expect, it's smaller than my college dorm room (disclaimer--Auburn dorms were wayyy bigger than others I have seen!) but actually a really great deal. Its extremely old school (I don't think it has been redecorated since the 70's) but I am rarely there so it doesn't bother me very much.

Webster Apartments is for women who are interning or just accepted full time jobs in the city. Yes, again a reminder of living dorm room style, but I actually really like it! First of all I feel very safe, the door is guarded 24 hours a day and they are extremely picky about this. Men are only allowed on the ground floor common areas and they must be accompanied at all times...I know daddy is a fan of this! :o)

On the bottom floor there is a dining room that serves breakfast and dinner (included in rent). The food really isn't that bad and in the morning there is always cereal and I can always eat the full salad/soup bar at night. The bathrooms are very clean and I have not had to wait on a shower yet (knock on wood).

As for my room I have a twin bed, decent size closet, vanity with chair, chair for guests, tall dresser, sink, and a book shelf. The bed was AWFUL at first but I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and bought a great fiber bed to go on top of it that makes sleeping much better. I'm on the 8th floor so it isn't too noisy and my end of the hall is very quiet. A maid comes in every day and makes my bed. Every Monday she does a full cleaning of my room. And mom said I would never have a maid to make my bed!!! :o)

There is a huge TV room with vending machines and lots of comfy chairs I go to about every night. I like it because you can always count on the popular show on that night to be playing and there are always a bunch of girls in there. So far I have met another girl from Auburn (in addition to my friend Amelia who told me about the place) and someone who went to USC and knows a bunch of Auburn people.

On top of the roof is a huge garden area with a great view that I look forward to enjoying as soon as the weather warms up!

Needless to say it doesn't come close to home, but I'm pretty lucky to find such a great deal here in the city. Heading to Atlanta this weekend and cannot WAIT to be back in my big house with my family and very comfy bed. :o)